Topics to Discuss with your Partner Before your Baby is Born!

Naming the birth doula collective we’d just birthed was a lot like the process of naming a child (some great names get vetoed because of unfortunate connotations!). It was a challenge to think of a name that conveyed what we were trying to communicate- that for us, pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period (and, honestly, every moment of parenthood) is an emotional and psychological process of evolution and transformation. We are fundamentally changed by it, and attempting to prepare accordingly is an important and often overlooked piece of the puzzle for pregnant couples who are up at night googling the pros and cons of the Snoo or whether or not to get an epidural. We wanted a name that aligned with this focus of ours. 

Eventually the name Birth Alchemy came to us as if it had been supplanted in all of our brains. Alchemy is a word the renowned Swiss psychologist Carl Jung used for the dissecting, dissolving and ultimate reassembly of the psyche on its path to coming back to its true nature. It’s a buzzword in Los Angeles- within a few miles of each other you can find alchemical restaurants, alchemical tattoos and alchemical botox. And, while we aren’t using the term in its historical context to refer to long-bearded alchemists toiling over bubbling flasks working to turn base metals into gold, we do love a good metaphor. Unfortunately, the closest thing to a bubbling flask we have is the full pot of coffee we bring to meetups and workshops, but metaphorically speaking we do have some pretty fiery journal prompts and questions. 

Learning to ask the right questions is one of the most important ways you could prepare for birth and parenthood, and is one of the things we cover in our time with the families we work with. For anyone who wants to start this work now, consider setting aside some time to sit down together with your partner and a couple of cups of tea, perhaps some nice music and a lit candle and even your journals for some time of intentional discussion around assumptions and expectations. Pick a question or two from the list below and take a moment to reflect yourself before discussing together: 

What are our expectations for how we will interact during the birth experience? What might each of us need during that time if the birth is long?

What fears or anxieties do we have about childbirth, and how can we address them together?

What would help me stay connected emotionally during a long labor?

What little things can we do during stressful periods after the baby arrives to help us stay connected emotionally?

How do we envision our roles as parents, and what values do we want to instill in our child?

What support systems do we have in place, and how can we utilize them during this transition? 

How can we prioritize self-care and mental health during pregnancy and after the baby is born?

What percentage of the time, when we are both home, do I imagine I will be the one to change the baby’s diaper? Feed the baby? Put the baby to sleep? 

Incorporating these questions into your discussions can help strengthen your bond and prepare you for the alchemical journey ahead.